Changing...

My views on life is changing. Even me as a person is evolving into the mature mind of the adult life. I am not a college student anymore, ever evolving me has suddenly felt comfortable in my own skin and is sinking in comfortably into it. A few things that have changed:

Relationship: I'm ready for that one guy to come into my life and make a big but very good difference. Because one day..drum rolls please..I would want kids. Yup ever so long have I hated babies, but now I am contemplating about having one. Not in the near close present, but far out there in the future.

Career: I've decided that I want out of this corporate world and will work hard for 3 years and save up to become an entrepreneur. I have 3 years to decide what I would want to open. I will have ideas!

Friends: I have and like the friends I have right now. Their part of what makes me happy everyday. Without them I don't know what I would do.


I stopped wanting luxurious items ( always want, but knows whats best if I want to be rich)
I am finding ways to save money. I do not want to be a 30,000 millionaire. Spend what I have not what I don't have. My finance is being closely watched now than before. I'm trying to live with what I have now and not always wanting to buy. Its such a hard thing to do for this USE to be shopaholic gal. I did good my friends. Just know you will be seeing repeated outfit choices. :)

again...

I prepare the idea and thought, yet something unexpected happens. Always mentally tell myself i'm ready and then something like that happens to me. What the f. BLah.

....

Lately I feel death has come upon me. Maybe it is reading about all these horror stories. But I feel the need to spend some time with my family before my time is up. It could be tomorrow or who knows. I find it sad that some of the family members don't make an effort to try to hang out with their childhood families. It breaks my heart and i'm so tired of caring. Has our lives change this much for family like us to back stab each other and leave us hanging dry. You post shit up saying you know who your true friends are when they stick to the end? Ever think how we stood til the end watching you screw over family and yet act like you did nothing wrong? where has your family value gone?
so fucking unethical. You stand there and act like we are some fucked up people in your life, yet we saved you from your mistakes.

Think twice what you have done, because you hurt me. Do i need to yell out on the top of the lungs to tell you? i think not. I can just watch you from afar and til this day you would have never known. What difference would it have made. Isn't twice the mistake enough of thousands of dollars?

You stand there and act like family fucking matters.

Yea, I count the small stuff.

YEA, i'm fucking dramatic.


deal with it. I'm over our situation and so called family blood line.

Commitment

I went to hot springs this weekend with Nina, Khanh, and Marie. On our way there we saw 3 deers cross our path and a dog. We stayed at the Hot Springs Resort and wow was it such a pleasant place to relax to get away from the city. The next day we rode on horses and enjoyed the downtown area. We tried the Bath Houses which was ancient looking. Literally I felt like a ghost was coming to get me. I don't know why I was thinking that, but I was.

Anyhow...
Lately the question I am coming across everyday from someone is "Do you have a boyfriend?" I have no idea why this is bothering me, but can't a girl love being single? I love my life. I like the fact that I don't have to worry about another person at this time of my life. I'm concentrating on my career and taking care of myself. I want time for me. ME. Me. Me. Oh how I love me.
My friends said its good that I live this life, but one day i'll have to prepare to commit to someone. Although I have been on this path before, but I'm just not ready.
Let me tell you something I have yet to tell anyone. A name will never be mention, so I hope if I read this in the future I will remember whom I am talking about. I know someone that I speak to randomly is the perfect person for me right now. I don't want to take it another step because i'm not ready. I'm taking a step back while he takes many many steps forward.

Ahh...so many things I have to express. I suppose I will continue tomorrow. My right arm is hurting me right now. Til then here are some eye candy.

Live life with love

I had company today with one of my close girlfriend. I haven't seen her in 3 months or so due to her busy schedule. I really care for her to where I never want to see her hurt. Sometimes you questions the things that you have encountered and ponder should you tell your best friend who should or shouldn't know. Ever wonder that sometimes its best not to know too much? I've learned along the way that there are just some information that shouldn't be said to with hold some emotions that aren't ment to have from refraining to move forward with life.
Lets just say my close friend has heard and digged information she wishes she learned from the beggining and to not even know at all. Will today make your tomorrow or future change for the better? Will you soak yourself in sorrow until you reached to the point your finally willing to see from what everyone else has seen? I hope you find the answer your searching or wanting. I hope the information I have told you doesn't effect our friendship. Also if you are reading this, I love you.

"its life, live it"

I got to thinking, how a woman's life is surrounded by thoughts of marriage and finding the one. Maybe all women don't think like this but the path finds us gearing towards that direction. For my friends that haven't been married quite yet have been pounding or hoping their boyfriend would "put a ring on it." Then there are the ones that question "is he the one." Fighting to keep the companionship together, worry because we are going to be alone, or better yet settle to just settle. As a kid I never thought about marriage. Not once. Up until, one by one my friends I hear are engaged. Attending their wedding and seeing that their boyfriend who became fiance is now a Husband. Of course then did I think about marriage. I hear the good and bad of being in a relationship. Sometimes I wonder...what is marriage? I know a few people who end up in divorces, but it doesn't prevent me from being in one. I started to think what I define marriage as.
1. My sarcastic jokingly definition:
Marriage: Paper document where both party sign and have the law acknowledge their love through penmenship. Oh and another way to say we want to spend XXX amount to tell the whole world WE FOUND LOVE! Having our proud parents show off to their friends that their kid is happy!

2. My true thought of marriage: Putting a ring on a finger stating: BACK THE FUCK OFF

ok ok...TRUTH BE TOLD:

Ahem* It is companionship, finding the person you want to spend your whole life with. May it be him/her in the shower while you be on the toilet taking a dump. The person who would want to make you wake up with a smile on your face. A person you want to say I risked my body to have this child with him.

I don't believe that a paper document is necessary, but double income is great and whatever else benefits from being two instead of one.


I believe in companionship. I don't believe there is the one. I believe there is that person you want to spend your life with. Does that make any sense?

Anyhow that enough about marriage. I'm over the whole MY FRIENDS ARE GONE stage. I now accept the change and is of course happy. May the memories of my single girlfriends be a memory and enter a new memories of marriage and babies.

I still...

Don't understand the thought of a broken heart. I have a dear family of mine who currently is still with her boyfriend whom may I say cheated on her 3 times. Of the 3 times it was with her best friend. She told me that she didn't want to be back with him and that it is best that I remind her of how gush awful person he is. I called her everyday to see if she's ok. If she needed to vent. If she ever needed anything from me because I wanted to be there for her as family. Calls turned into missed called to ignoring me to never returning them back. This was a family member who I call everyday to never hearing from her again. I am very disturbed at this matter, but I refuse to call her again or hear what she has to say.
My question is to her How can you let this person who broke your heart and ruin your life get in between us? That's a shame.

I write this memory down to move forward with my life and the thought of my relationship with her. Some of you may have different thoughts of this, but as you get older you don't linger on to situations like this. I would rather put it behind me and make room for good memories.